Before you meet Prince Charming

In case you didn’t know, which is pretty much impossible considering the shamelessly sappy tweets and facebook posts I’ve been rolling out for the past few months, I’m getting married. In three weeks. What the heck?!

It’s been a year and a half of big changes, bigger challenges, and enormous lessons for both me and my future husband (that still sounds so weird to me). So of course I’ve been pondering the cliche question of “what would I say to my younger, pre-European-romance self,” and this is pretty much what I’ve come up with. Take it with a grain of salt -- I’m not married yet!

8 things to do before you meet Prince Charming...
1. Stop planning your wedding. Admittedly, I say this in part because my pinterest board was full of Hobby Lobby projects and rental websites that are 100% irrelevant considering that my wedding will be in another country. But the real idea here is that we want a wedding that represents us, not just me. Planning our wedding together has been the sweetest period of our relationship, and I love knowing that every part of our special day is something we built together. I recommend exchanging your "future dream wedding with unidentified male" Pinterest board to something along the lines of "feeding men 101."

2. Cook. Men are hungry. Enough said. And speaking of eating...

3. Develop healthy habits, both physically and spiritually. My own flaws and insecurities directly affect the person I love the most, so work on those, for both of your sakes. Read the Bible every day. Set aside some time for exercise. Eat real food (see #2). Taking care of yourself is the best practice for caring for someone else. And speaking of caring...

4. Work on other relationships, especially with family and close friends. Learn to apologize and to forgive. Learn to discern which issues to address and which to let go. If you don’t know how to get along with people now, or keep friends for more than six months, what makes you think it will get any easier when the person you need to get along with is a permanent, ever-present part of you life? Some days are full of sparkly butterflies, others you just find coffee grounds in the sink (pet peeve!!!). Practice looking at every situation from the perspective of building others up, not tearing them down. And speaking of others...

5. Learn to put others first. This gets harder the longer you remain single, because you simply don’t have to consider anyone else’s interests but your own. Maybe it sounds spiritual, and it is, but this is a practical issue, too. Sure, sometimes it’s going to church mid-week when you don’t feel like it because you know he needs the spiritual community. Other times it’s washing a load of his nasty work clothes, even though you really wanted your delicate lace shirt clean for tomorrow. Either way, it means your wants come after his/our needs. Practice thinking of others now, in everyday situations, in preparation for a lifetime of thinking of “him” and “us” instead of just “me.”

6. Evaluate what defines you. If my identity had been based on my age, nationality, family background, education, or career, I would’ve rejected the person God had prepared for me, because we are completely different in all of those areas. What we do have in common (among many other things) is a relationship with Christ, and a desire to serve God and others with the unique gifts He’s given us. Some of the differences I initially thought would make us wrong for each other have turned out to be huge blessings, and others are just irrelevant when it comes to everyday life. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have standards, but make sure they’re based on things that really matter. To quote a former pastor, “look for character traits, not characteristics.” Let God show you what’s important, and then trust Him to fulfill your heart’s desires in the little things. He will. Which brings me to #7...

7. Practice walking by faith. This one is long.
When we were moving toward engagement, our pastor here gave us one piece of advice: “Marriage is an act of faith.” This had been our perspective even since before we met. We both prayed and trusted God to provide a spouse, and entered our relationship trusting God to make His plan clear, which He did to both of us, and soon. Once we were convinced that this thing was from God, every part of our relationship was supported by that confidence. Instead of weighing flaws and debating whether or not we were "right" for each other, we spent the months leading up to our engagement constantly marveling at and celebrating the way God had prepared us for our life together, working to bring us to each other at just the right time. It didn't matter what we found out about each other -- and we were both scary honest about ourselves -- because our commitment to this relationship was and is an extension of our general surrender to God's will for our lives. For every question mark, there were ten confirmations that this was it. Period.

Of course you should use discernment and listen to input from people who care about you, but our human perspective is limited and often flawed (see #6). Ultimately it comes down to seeking God’s will and acting in the faith that He has a plan and knows what’s best for both of you. And take it from me: It’s a lot easier to trust God with the big things, like your marriage, after having already trusted Him in every other part of your life. This takes me to my last, and biggest, piece of advice...

8. Believe in God’s sovereignty. This is apparently a little controversial in Christian communities, but for me it was always obvious -- God has a plan! He cares about who you marry! Yes, I believe that God has a specific person prepared for each of us to marry. I believe He is absolutely in control of every area of my life, including and especially my marriage. I already blogged about this subject here: sovereignty and cookies. I also highly recommend the book "As Silver Refined," by Kay Arthur, which helped me a lot in learning about God's sovereignty, even in times of uncertainty. (You’re still single, so you have plenty of time to read, right?)

Well, I think I’ve said enough on this subject. In short, stop searching. Stop expecting. Stop chasing relationships that don’t seem to be happening on your time. Pray, grow, live, and let God work. He will make it happen, He will make His plan clear, and He will bless enormously when you acknowledge and trust His control.

More, sappier, and more entertaining posts coming up in the following weeks! Get ready!