WANTED:

Do not say, “Why is it that the former days were better than these? 

For it is not from wisdom that you ask about this. 

                                                           -Ecclesiastes 7:10

rant. shameless rant.

Before you read this, I want you to know that I don't hate being single. I enjoy sitting on my couch at night with a good book and a cup of hot tea (or pint of ice cream). I don't mind the freedom to do what I want, when I want, and with whom I want. I love the solitude, the chance to finally catch my breath and figure out who I am when nobody's watching. BUT it seems that people my age are starting to think they should get married. I guess that's not a bad idea, if that's what you're into.

Here's my question: What exactly qualifies a person to make this decision? Because when I look around at the people I know who are committing their lives to each other (not all of them, but some), I have to wonder what exactly it takes to be considered a good future spouse.

I log into facebook and see wedding pictures of a boy who in the fourth grade said "oh look, that homely girl can play the piano." And yes, he said that to my face. to. my. face. I know that was a long time ago and people do change, but let's face it, who you essentially are as a child doesn't change too terribly much. God may work in your life, but the self you will be fighting on the day you die is the same self you were born with. There are many exceptions, but people who aren't nice kids don't usually grow up to be especially kind adults, either.

And then there are the oddballs. You know, those people who are pathetically awkward and generally outcasts. The high-maintenance girl, the overbearing boy, the one who's dated 6 people in the last two years but is suddenly ready to settle down... Yet someone thinks it's a nice idea to live with them forever. Do you get my point? It just makes me wonder, that's all.

I know a lot of you really are made for each other, and I couldn't be happier for you. I don't think there's anything more beautiful in life than a healthy marriage; it's the ultimate picture of our relationship with Christ. I hope one day I have the joy of being a wife, and even now I'm learning to be a better Bride to my Savior. Being perfect is by no means a requirement, because none of us are perfect. Thank God for grace and mercy in dealing with me -- I need to show more of those in my relationships.

But seriously... Why all these crazy people gettin married to each other?!

weak = ?

[Disclaimer: This is in no way to be taken as a self-centered Gospel. Rather, my hope is that by realizing my own humble state, I might exalt the One who is able to overcome, and thus be better able to bring His message of hope to those who also find themselves falling short of His glory.]
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"You're the defender of the weak, You comfort those in need..."

I sang these words tonight for the umpteen-hundredth time (and the second time today). Images came to mind of my friend in Romania who's taking Christmas gifts to the orphanage this weekend. I thought of the children's faces on the World Vision brochure in my purse. I thought of the refugees who flood into our cities without homes, without jobs, without the English-speaking ability they need to make a living here.

And then I thought of myself.

I thought of high school, of being a lost little college freshman. I thought of the countless small choices that raised big questions. I thought of the past four months. I thought of all the times I've been asked, "Why are you so different?" and I said nothing. I thought of that moment when temptation is so loud, when my spirit is almost willing but my flesh is so... weak.

That's when it hit me: God's strength is not just for people who live in third world countries. His comfort is not only for children whose parents don't want them. One day, every nation, tribe, and tongue will gather before Him, because He is the God of EVERY nation, tribe, and tongue. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I suppose that includes nerdy blonde American girls with slight southern accents. I think it includes you, too.

Why am I so quick to assume that I am not the one to be defended, that I am not among those in need? I will boast gladly about my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may dwell in me -- for when I am weak, then I am strong.

He is not just their hope and strong Deliverer... Praise God, He is our hope and strong Deliverer.

Day 1: You can't always trust your GPS.

I stood stiffly with my eyes wide as the woman surveyed me with a mixture of surprise and confusion. I passed a piano on my way in, but I couldn't find the coffee bar. Several people sat around tables and welcomed me inside, although I thought they looked a little old for the coffee shop scene. They had pointed me to the elderly lady who smiled and asked if she could help me. "Can I get a cup of coffee?"

ch-ch-changin

      Well, it's officially over. I am no longer a college student -- pending Dr. G. posting my bio grade, which I expect to be at least passing, and that will be sufficient. So the big question seems to be, "How does it feel to be a grown-up?" This makes me laugh because I already went through this a few months ago after graduation, when I had to explain that I would still be in classes until the end of summer. Now it's a little different. My new task is explaining to people that I'm not going to college more; I'm going to graduate school. I'll be a graduate student. It sounds so much more sophisticated and intellectual and somewhat tortured.
      Think about it. What do you think when you hear "college student"? The first thing that pops into my head is pizza. A few weekends ago Maria remarked, "Look, we're finally real college students, eating pizza in the room on Saturday night." Not just pizza, but pizza out of a box on my bed in the dorm room. There are also such associations as ramen noodles, overflowing laundry baskets, strange characters always showing up to hang out, thumping music in the hallway... kind of like being a teenager, but with less cash.
      Now, what do you think when you hear "graduate student"? I think of a twenty-something living in an apartment, riding a bike to save gas, eating leftovers for three days, table covered with books, staying up late in the name of erudition (new word I learned from Dr. B.), and for some people maybe a glass of cheap wine instead of a cold beer (of course I prefer a very large cup of coffee). I'm not sure where I got this mental image, and it's probably all wrong. I'll let you know when I find out.
      But you have to admit, when someone asks if you're a college student, you see or at least imagine a raised eyebrow and some kind of speculation about how you probaly went wild when you left home. It could just be me, but when I hear someone claim to be a grad student, I think, "Oh, must be pretty smart." Yeah. Don't even act like you don't do the same thing.

Deja Vu and Second Chances

May 16, 2009
What if progress could be retroactive? So that growth, new success, learning, and moving ahead would go back and cover the past? It would make up for lost opportunities and failed attempts. Isn't that kind of what we get with mercy, grace, and redemption? He doesn't count our sins (and most of all, our selves) against us. No, but He gives us all that is necessary to come out of hopelessness and have life. The past only matters as it relates to our glorifying Him for bringing us out of it, and then applying that change to the present and future.

ch-ch-changin...

I don't want to seem like I always write about myself, but I was thinking back over everything I did this week -- most of which was the usual routine -- and it blows my mind a little bit.