again? really?

Well well well...

I blinked for a second and what do you know, here I am one whole year out of college. Yikes! I wanted to write this whole thing about everything I’ve learned, what I’ve experienced, where I was then versus where I am now, etc... but honestly, I couldn’t get that all in one blog post. In all the time I spent pondering and trying to figure how I could sum up the past year, I realized life was still happening! If I spend too much time thinking about auld lang syne, I’ll get behind on now.

So let me just say this: I’m supposed to sing at church Sunday morning, and my loving mother keeps asking me, “What are you going to sing?” And every time I reply, “I haven’t decided yet!” It’s not that I don’t have any ideas; the problem is that there are so many options, and I change my mind every day. At this point I could probably give a concert with all the songs I’ve learned this week.

I think this situation pretty well defines my life right now.

My life and my heart may have changed tremendously in some ways, but here I am exactly where I was not too long ago with the same choice to make, and the same heavy basket of passions, fears, and questions making it quite a task. I have 2 classes, a scholarly paper, and student teaching between me and the real world. *GULP* What will I do? There are so many options, I’m having trouble sticking with just one. (And I think that’s a good problem to have.) So right now, again, I just want to survive my last year of school and cross those other bridges when I come to them.

A year ago I found myself at the end of one phase of life and the beginning of another similar, but in many ways completely different, place. I finished one degree and started another. I left one community and forced my way into another. It seems like after every major life decision, I breathe a huge sigh of relief until I realize that staring me in the face is yet another huge life decision. Will it ever end?! I’ve decided the answer is probably a resounding, “NO.” I’m starting to get the idea that my life is not about settling into one place forever; it’s an endless series of choices -- big and small -- strung together by brief moments of peace. This is one of those moments, and I’m loving it.

In other news, interesting developments on the home front. I’ve been seeing a doctor here at home for a little over a year about a certain issue that isn’t too public. The office called a few weeks ago to reschedule my appointment, confirmed that appointment last Friday, and in all of that neglected to tell me that my doctor DIED. You’d think they would’ve mentioned that little bit of information. So now I have my entire file in hand with the task of finding a new doc in Tennessee, all by myself without my mommy there to talk for me when I get embarrassed. Oh well, it’s just another chance for me to be a big girl, I guess.

Decisions, decisions...

thoughts while sitting on a public bench

People must not sit on benches anymore, or in the middle of nice green patches of grass, or under shade trees.

Summer School

    It's a lovely Sunday afternoon, and I'm sitting on my bed eating a Banquet chicken pot pie and enjoying the Mel Brooks marathon on AMC. My clothes are in the dryer, the AC is on, and in the background  I hear the pleasant hum of a microwave. *BEEP* My roommate pulls out her steaming, tasty-smelling, no-longer-frozen dinner. The cafeteria is closed every weekend. Dinner tonight: your choice of a hot pocket or peanut butter sandwich.
    Yes, friends, this is it -- summer school. This summer I am completing my college experience by doing some things I've never done before. First of all, I'm on campus. Secondly, I'm taking a professor most people don't like. So far, so good! Each day consists of much sleep, much facebook, people watching (camper watching) in the cafeteria, and possibly a trip to the gym. I usually work in a bowl of cereal somewhere.
      This may sound pretty boring, and honestly it is, but I'm trying to appreciate the quiet. I must admit it's strange seeing the places I spent my past four years, but without the most of the friendly faces I grew to love. But I like to think of it as a little something different, almost like being somewhere new. After all, this campus is nothing like it was a little over a month ago. I'm in a different dorm, and in this first week I've already made some new friends -- friends like the swimming pool, the microwave, and the weight room. And that professor? She's hilarious. I guess some things are all about perspective.

I don't know.

      A lot of things have been going on at home lately, and I could bore you with the details, but I won't. Just a taste: Yesterday my new car got backed into in the CVS parking lot -- hit and run! -- so I had the privilege of experiencing a police report. Fortunately one of my fill-in moms was a witness, but still... sheesh. Last week I had a frustrating trip to Verizon during which I looked at Lorenzo the salesman and said, "I'm sorry. They're trying to make me be a grown-up and frankly, I don't know anything. I have no idea what I'm doing. Why don't you call my Daddy and ask him?"

Sunday Afternoon

      There is nothing like a Sunday afternoon nap on the couch after a big, greasy lunch from your local truckstop diner. These are the things I miss about home -- the excitement of seeing "country fried steak" on the daily special menu, the sunset the way it looks from our living room, the puppy licking my hand to let me know I'm the only one in the house still asleep... even the smell of horses and chickens (and donkey) and the nasty scratches on my legs because my dog is happy to see me. There is nothing like a few weeks at home after a long, stressful year filled with too much work and many good times, and not enough chances to breathe it all in before it suddenly and finally came to an end.