again? really?

Well well well...

I blinked for a second and what do you know, here I am one whole year out of college. Yikes! I wanted to write this whole thing about everything I’ve learned, what I’ve experienced, where I was then versus where I am now, etc... but honestly, I couldn’t get that all in one blog post. In all the time I spent pondering and trying to figure how I could sum up the past year, I realized life was still happening! If I spend too much time thinking about auld lang syne, I’ll get behind on now.

So let me just say this: I’m supposed to sing at church Sunday morning, and my loving mother keeps asking me, “What are you going to sing?” And every time I reply, “I haven’t decided yet!” It’s not that I don’t have any ideas; the problem is that there are so many options, and I change my mind every day. At this point I could probably give a concert with all the songs I’ve learned this week.

I think this situation pretty well defines my life right now.

My life and my heart may have changed tremendously in some ways, but here I am exactly where I was not too long ago with the same choice to make, and the same heavy basket of passions, fears, and questions making it quite a task. I have 2 classes, a scholarly paper, and student teaching between me and the real world. *GULP* What will I do? There are so many options, I’m having trouble sticking with just one. (And I think that’s a good problem to have.) So right now, again, I just want to survive my last year of school and cross those other bridges when I come to them.

A year ago I found myself at the end of one phase of life and the beginning of another similar, but in many ways completely different, place. I finished one degree and started another. I left one community and forced my way into another. It seems like after every major life decision, I breathe a huge sigh of relief until I realize that staring me in the face is yet another huge life decision. Will it ever end?! I’ve decided the answer is probably a resounding, “NO.” I’m starting to get the idea that my life is not about settling into one place forever; it’s an endless series of choices -- big and small -- strung together by brief moments of peace. This is one of those moments, and I’m loving it.

In other news, interesting developments on the home front. I’ve been seeing a doctor here at home for a little over a year about a certain issue that isn’t too public. The office called a few weeks ago to reschedule my appointment, confirmed that appointment last Friday, and in all of that neglected to tell me that my doctor DIED. You’d think they would’ve mentioned that little bit of information. So now I have my entire file in hand with the task of finding a new doc in Tennessee, all by myself without my mommy there to talk for me when I get embarrassed. Oh well, it’s just another chance for me to be a big girl, I guess.

Decisions, decisions...