I do not write because I have anything to say.

I write because I want to write. I need to write.

I need to write two pages about a Chinese girl's first boyfriend. I need to write my senior thesis. I need a thesis statement.

I did nothing yesterday. I did nothing today. My TV just said to me, "The only thing that could makes this day better is... ice cream." Amen, Michael Scott.



For some reason I feel as if I have no homework, no responsibility, no overload of information that should be sending smoke signals from my ears. Somewhere deep down I know this amounts to a lie, or maybe denial. Am I depressed? Have I created an alternate reality? Am I CRAZY?! I just don't know anymore.

But let me tell you what I have done.

For three days I hung out with high school girls helping them learn about Galatians, grace, and why our self-esteem doesn't have to disappear if we mess up because our worth comes from Jesus. I also spent those three days with some of the people I love most, knowing that in three months they will cease to be part of my life. We bonded. Maybe they will stay in my life.

I stayed up until 3am thinking about my Grandpa and what an amazing man he was. I poured everything I remember about him into a single-spaced document that will continue growing, and fell asleep wondering at what point I will call it "finished."

I ate homemade dessert from my Mama. I took a nap. I went to the gym. I pretended that all of these things were good for me. Then I took another nap. When I woke up I learned a new song on my guitar. That was good for me.

I led my friends to worship the Living God, and I had the best seat in the house because I saw them better than they could see me -- and believe me, it was beautiful.

Today I went to class without makeup on so I would have time to stop for coffee, and sort of enjoyed the chapel message that put everyone else to sleep. I wrote in my journal with a pen (and colored in my Bible!). I ate dessert, took a nap, and skipped the gym. Woke up drooling and then laid my face back in it. I woke up for real that time.

Right now I have my textbook beside me, the one with the story about the Chinese girl. I have an unsaved Word document with two sentences. I should probably get back to that.

But do you know what? I have enjoyed life this week, and I think that counts for something.