oh, silly me.

I have tremendous doubts about my potential as a homemaker, or career woman, or anything that requires responsibility and overall togetherness. (I had listed here everything scatter-brained thing I've done in the past two weeks, but it was pretty sad sounding, so I decided to delete that part.) Last night I had three friends trying to help me open my hatchback -- we thought it was frozen shut -- only to realize the car was still locked. They laughed and said it happens to everyone sometimes, but the truth is... this happens to me on a daily basis, and usually more than once. A more consequential example is my thumb drive that is currently MIA with my research paper on it. I get so frustrated with myself! When am I going to get my act together? fail, fail, fail. Even the little things can add up to make a girl feel like a big failure.

"Come to Me all you who are weary and burdened." What if I am weary of myself, burdened with myself? It's not a fun place to come to, but to be honest, I think this should be a place of rejoicing. When we find the end of ourselves, is this not where we most fully understand His sufficiency? The truth is I was never meant to have it all together on my own, because then I would have no need of Him.

Too often I listen to that voice... the one from my childhood that keeps telling me if I can be a little more perfect and less awkward, maybe the other kids will like me. The one from the past few years who keeps telling me I don't have enough common sense to make it on my own (although I think more than anything that voice was just crying for attention). The one from the depths of Hell that says I will never be good enough, that keeps bringing up my imperfections and past mistakes, that tries to make me feel again the once-guilty status of my heart -- and to that I say "ENOUGH!" and spit in your face, Satan. Your day is coming.

"...for the accuser of our brethren has been thrown down, he who accuses them before our God day and night. And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb..."