I don't have a new year's resolution, but this year I do want to
learn to think in terms of what's good for me. I'm not talking about
being self-centered, but about not being a people-pleaser. It's a
problem for me, and I need to learn how to balance doing good for others
with taking care of myself. I must admit, it feels pretty empowering to
make a choice based on what's physically and emotionally healthy!
4 real things I’ve done recently that made me feel powerful:
1. Not inviting people I don’t like to my wedding.
There’s
this teacher I worked with for the past two years who drove me crazy.
She’s the kind of person who always looks like a model for the cover of
"Kindergarten Teacher Magazine," and can give you a compliment that
actually makes you feel worse, not better. Somehow things just always
manage to go her way, no matter how badly it screws up someone else's
tight schedule. She's what I call a "workplace diva bully." I have no
hard feelings toward her, but I'm not upset about the fact that I no
longer work with her class. And because I no longer consider her a
co-worker, and she was never a friend, I don't feel obligated to put her
on the list of co-workers/friends with whom I'd like to share my
special day. It's that simple.
2. Wearing earrings to a legalistic church.
We
love our church. It’s a 5-year-old church plant in a poverty-stricken
neighborhood. People come to church in whatever clothes they have --
yes, even pants on women! Some even have earrings! *gasp* For the first
time in my life, the question of what to wear on Sunday morning doesn’t
stress me out. If it matches and doesn’t stink, it’s good, because we
just want to see people worshiping and feeling welcome in God's house.
But then there’s this other church in town that we frequented when we
first met because, frankly, it’s a cheap date and a great place to show
off your new arm candy. It’s a big church with a lot of decent people,
but we don’t particularly like going there because the atmosphere is
just a little legalistic. Too many rules. But since we’re getting
married and need to give invitations to people we’d likely run into at
that church, we decided to show up last Sunday night. Cue mass wardrobe
panic. His shirt collar has a smudge! I haven’t done laundry in over a
week! My skirt hem is wrinkled! Does this even match? My knees are
showing! Then there was a little discourse about how this should not be
such a problem and how we always feel like the congregation is
inspecting our wardrobe. Seriously, there’s a sign at the door:
“Entrance with decent attire only.” So naturally we smoothed our hems
and dabbed our collars and ran out the door. But as a tiny sign of
protest against ridiculous social norms in the church, I wore earrings. Bam!
3. Dress-shopping with my groom.
I know, it's horrible bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her wedding
dress. But I'm gonna be honest here, I have very picky taste in
clothes. I like to feel good in what I'm wearing, and I want my clothes
to reflect my personality. I don't know a single girl here who shares my
taste or knows what I want to look and feel like on my wedding day. My
groom, on the other hand, has excellent taste and knows what I like even
better than I do sometimes. His opinion means more to me than anyone
else's. He knows how to handle me when I'm stressed, and buying a
wedding dress is very stressful. He also has a car, and the wedding
dress stores are an hour away. So despite the shocks and screeches from many girls who couldn't believe I would go with him, it seemed like the most obvious choice to me. Whatever.
4. Eating an orange and a granola bar when I really wanted an apple turnover.
This
has nothing to do with being a people-pleaser, but it was a healthy
choice, so I'm including it, anyway. My future mother-in-law makes these
irresistable little finger cakes, and I ate a few too many over the
Christmas break. Now that the holidays are over, I’m trying to get back
on track. This means making a lot of tough choices for a sweets-lover
like myself. Yesterday I got hungry while I was in town, and my first
thought was the delicious apple turnovers downtown for 2.50 Lei (less than a dollar). But
then I thought of my waist and my wedding dress, so I headed to the
fruit stand instead. I got 4 mandarins and a granola bar for the same
money and half the calories. I should add that I only ate one mandarin,
not all four. Go me!
I'm can't say for sure how long it will last, but so far, I'm really enjoying this new-found courage to do what makes for the happiest, healthiest Becky in 2015. Try it and see for yourself!
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