what doesn't kill you

I've been going to the gym all winter, occasionally wearing my chacos or hiking boots around the house and pretending to be outside. I like cold weather, but a person can only breath so much heated-humidified-and-recycled air. Being indoors for too long is like keeping a loaf of bread for too long -- a good thing gone very bad.

"Am I going to die tomorrow?" I asked a friend last week, trying to feel out how much pain I should psych myself up for. His answer: "You might." (Of course we were exaggerating a bit, but I was still a little unsure.) I went on that hike anyway, and I didn't die. I know my legs were burning, I know my ski-knee was yelling at me on the way down, but honestly, I don't remember. I hauled myself up and down 8 miles round-trip, in the soft green mountains I've been in love with since I was seven years old, and didn't regret a single second.

At the time all I could think about was getting over the next ice patch, how to cross that creek without falling in, whether mud or snow was worse. Now all I can think about is how exhausted and satisfied I was at the end of the day, and how clean my lungs felt. I keep thinking about how the trees towered around me; I love trees. I want to do it again.

 MY SON, DO NOT REGARD LIGHTLY THE DISCIPLINE OF THE LORD, NOR FAINT WHEN YOU ARE REPROVED BY HIM; FOR THOSE WHOM THE LORD LOVES HE DISCIPLINES, AND HE SCOURGES EVERY SON WHOM HE RECEIVES. It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness.

 All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed. (Hebrews 12:5-13)

Sometimes I'm so tempted to ask God, "Don't you realize how much this hurts? What are you trying to do to me here?" It's easy to forget that the point is not our comfort, but being conformed to His image -- and He suffered quite a bit for that to be a possibility. But in the end, is it the pain we remember, or the results? It seems to me that I only remember that feeling of pain when pain was the final outcome of a particular situation. When I allow God to finish teaching me, I do remember that there was pain, but most of all that He showed me amazing things about Himself. The joy continues; the pain does not, because it was eventually healed.

I see 5 perks of God's discipline in these verses: assurance of God's love, security of belonging to Him, respect for my Father, holiness, and righteousness. That's all pretty good stuff! But in order to get there you have to endure, and that's the hardest part. That's why my favorite verse says, "shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and LIVE?" The discipline of our God leads to life! Always! Whatever it is you're going through, whatever hurt you have from failure, whatever painful sacrifice of obedience you're making...  you can hold onto this promise.


It won't kill you. 


I don't know about you, but that sure makes me feel better about a few things.