Help!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

I've been running into these verses everywhere lately -- no coincidence, I'm sure. Let's face it, we all have trust issues sometimes, and I don't mind admitting that I worry a lot. Maybe I seem very calm and "together," but believe me, I often fall short of the meekness that rests in God's sovereignty. I don't always trust Him, sometimes because I think I have things figured out and I'm afraid He won't agree with me. But there's another kind of trust issue I've been dealing with: trusting Him for wisdom.

I can agree that God will guide circumstances, provide for my needs, etc. I can pray and wait for things to happen. I don't worry too much about the things happening around me. No, my worry is more self-centered than that. What about those times when I don't have everything figured out? When I don't know how to pray because I don't quite understand the problem or need? How can I trust God when I'm not even sure what to trust Him for? What about those decisions I'll face in the future that I don't know how to make? What if I make the wrong choice and live a lifetime of regret? What if I take the wrong job or marry the wrong man, or reject the right man, or... or... What if I... Can you hear the panic in my voice?

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously (He doesn't hold back) and without reproach (there is no shame in asking for help!), and it will be given to him (that's a promise). But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. James 1:5-8 (commentary in parentheses mine)

These verses come in the middle of some heavy talk about times of trial and the temptations we face (two things we can't avoid), and right after a promise that if we endure, we will come out "perfect and complete, lacking in nothing" (James 1:4). Rewind to my little panic moment... could these be considered moments of trial or temptation? For me, they are difficult to face. But He says I'll come out lacking nothing, and isn't it true that in difficult situations, sometimes the one thing we lack more than anything is wisdom? When I think about the times when I worry the most, or feel the most tempted, my biggest concern is that I won't know what to do. Maybe I won't recognize sin for what it is, or God's plan for how good it is. I'm afraid I won't be able to see which way is best, like a child who can't tell left from right. I'm not just afraid of doing the wrong thing; I don't want to miss out on the right thing. This is a big trust issue that causes a lot of fear for Miss Independent over here.

The issue is clear: I am the one who doubts. I believe God about some things, but I doubt His ability to break through my stubborn, independent heart. I doubt my ability to listen when He tries. I doubt He cares enough about my abundance of silly questions to provide His wisdom. I'll quickly tell you to take your problems to Him, but sometimes I doubt so much that I don't even bother to ask for myself. I am double-minded, and that makes me unstable. Ouch! Those are some pretty harsh adjectives.

The good news is that it doesn't have to be this way. Who wants to live an unstable life of confusion? Not me. From now on, when I start feeling a little uneasy about the present or future, I'm not wasting precious hours of sleep on fretting and figuring. I'm going to own up to my ignorance and ask for His wisdom. I'm going to stop worrying about my faulty understanding and trade it for trust in Him.

Goodbye panic and confusion, hello straight paths.